The benefits of premarital counselling centurion

There are a plethora of reasons why a marriage can end in divorce. Infidelity, communication issues, financial issues and differences of opinions with regards to child rearing being some of the reasons. Premarital counselling can help a couple to sort out these issues, amongst others, before they arise. The earlier a couple seeks therapy, the better. This is because seeking therapy early on in the relationship allows for the couple to come to a resolution before an issue is set in stone or blown out of proportion. Premarital counselling is therefore encouraged, because it means that a couple can discuss and resolve issues, at times issues that they didn’t know existed, before they are married.

During premarital counselling, couples will discuss not only possible issues, but also what marriage means to them and their motivation for getting married, as well as what they would like their marriage to look like in the years to come. Moreover, during premarital counselling, couples discuss what their needs from the relationship are and what they expect from their partner to maintain a happy marriage. As such, partners have a more in-depth understanding of each other so that they feel like they are starting life as a married couple seeing eye to eye.

Understand your partner’s point of view with premarital counselling

Premarital counselling also has the benefit of helping you to see an outside opinion of your relationship and how to make it last, by helping you to see the relationship as a third party. furthermore, premarital counselling will teach couples constructive communication skills, as a healthy relationship is based on open and honest communication. Through learning how to communicate effectively and what each partner expects from the marriage, therapy helps to strengthen a couple’s bond.

Although it may not seem like a benefit at first, premarital counselling can help some couples realize that they are actually incompatible, so that they call off their wedding. This will save couples from the bureaucracy and heartbreak of an inevitable divorce further down the line. Naturally, there is nothing that can guaranty a successful marriage, but premarital counselling can give couples the tools that they need to help them to work at their marriage, so that the relationship can thrive.

It is clear to see then that pre-premarital counselling is a smart decision for any couple. Differences will arise in even the seemingly most cohesive relationships, and with the help of a therapist, these differences can be successfully negotiated. Within the structured and safe environment of a therapy session, couples can air their grievances with the help of a therapist who acts as a mediator, thus helping them to move through and past their issues. Moreover, those who have premarital counselling usually feel more comfortable with seeking the help of a therapist, should any issues arise once they are married; thus, making their relationship more likely to be successful and helping the couple to avoid divorce. To reap the benefits of premarital counselling, it is important that couples look for a registered counselor with whom they feel comfortable.

The benefits of premarital counselling - TalkitOut

Premarital counselling can help a couple to sort out these issues, amongst others, before they arise. The earlier a couple seeks therapy, the better. This is because seeking therapy early on in the relationship allows for the couple to come to a resolution before an issue is set in stone or blown out of proportion. The benefits of premarital counselling - TalkitOut

Everyone agrees that good communication is the muse of all relationships

Everyone agrees that good communication is the muse of all relationships, however how do you begin to narrate differently if you’ve in no way been taught a extra effective manner to speak? Here is a new way to deliver and obtain statistics that feels excellent and brings tremendous outcomes.

Say the way you experience, in preference to speaking approximately what is inaccurate with the other person.

The emphasis is on YOU – talk about yourself. Be conscious of only speak me approximately your emotions. The minute you communicate approximately the opposite man or woman, that person gets protective and can’t listen you. When you are saying how you experience, the lines of communication live open.

Set a timer and take turns speak me.

The excellent way to learn the way to properly talk is to set a timer. One individual talks for three minutes without interruption after which the other character talks. Do this three instances, alternating with each person talking for three mins.

This technique lets in all of us to speak AND pay attention to the other, giving the alternative complete attention. Most of the time while we’ve got a confrontation, each person ends up talking on the equal time. This allows for a whole change of facts without frustrations or defensiveness getting in the way

When the alternative individual is speak me, do not consider what you are going to mention next. The timer method ensures that you will get your hazard to talk – so do not get nervous and pay interest. This is an possibility to truely concentrate to what your companion is saying. Real listening takes vicinity while you are not thinking of what you are going to mention subsequent. Can you droop judgment and simply pay attention? If so, you would possibly just hear some thing you have got by no means heard before.

Be concerned approximately “feeling proper” instead of “being proper”. After all, isn’t always the concept of all communique to have a connection? What is the point of being “right” and feeling completely disconnected out of your accomplice?

Keep asking yourself, “How do I experience?” If you experience tough and shielding, you’re virtually pushing the other individual away. Take a deep breath, and give up to the instant, and pay attention only.

All emotions are valid even in case you disagree with them.

What is incorrect with a person having a distinct feeling than you have got? We are all distinctive. As lengthy as a person’s feeling does no longer bring about movement this is dangerous to another, unique feelings are what make us exciting.

AUTHOR: Marriage Counselor Centurion

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How to Effectively Communicate in a Marriage

How to Effectively Communicate in a Marriage Everyone agrees that good communication is the muse of all relationships, however how do you begin to narrate differently if you've in no way been taught a extra effective manner to speak?

People see marriage as a commitment which is recognized by the public

Marriage is described as a legal contract or social union between a man and a woman.  Marriages are perceived to be an interpersonal relationship that is both sexual and intimate. People enter marriage for various reasons. There is the legal factor, as well as the social and emotional aspect. Marriage is rooted in spirituality and religion as well.

People see marriage as a commitment which is recognized by the public, its starting point is to build a family. Marriage is at the top of the hierarchy while the family unit as a legal establishment and protection of the children in a legal sense fall under it. Even if marriage is a common practice, there are still unique practices in each culture. There is a certain complexity to marriage since two people are legally and economically bound to one another

In the context of marriage, relationships are grounded on trust and honesty. Because marriage entails a lot of compromises and work, the relationship between the husband and wife need to be strong and unwavering. Traditionally the husband is seen as the patriarch, while the wife used to take care of the home and the kids. However, times have changed now and the roles aren’t as clear cut as they used to be. Now days there are husbands who stay at home and tend to all the needs of the children and the house. While the mothers are the sole breadwinners and are out working nine to five jobs. The rise in women empowerment have led to more women wanting to be independent in every sense of the word. Whatever the arrangement is in a home, relationships and marriage go hand in hand. Marriage is truly a juggling act since both husband and wife are responsible for each other.

The difficulty with marriage lies in the daily emotional needs of each person in the relationship. There is the responsibility to make enough money to provide for the family.  However, at the same time, there is also the need to provide emotional security to one another. Unfortunately the sacred institution of marriage has been tainted and corrupted.  Some marriages exist purely for financial benefit.  Marriage and relationships are complex and multi-layered, yet it has a long history that never ceases to exist.

The Complexities of Marriage and Relationships - Marriage Counselling

The Complexities of Marriage and Relationships - Marriage Counselling

In the first place, locate a capable marriage counselor.

Marriage Counselling Centurion

The fundamental part of human instinct is that it is in some cases stuck in a condition of contention which is exceedingly steady. The issues lie in the approaches embraced by the marriage counselor as they don’t know that their methods don’t generally work.

Broken marriage are constantly hard on the couple. Dissimilar to what the vast majority would think many couples battle hard at sparing their marriage relationship. However subsequent to experiencing numerous marriage counselling sessions and gaining no ground they tend to lose hope. The greater part of the marriage or relationship coach are working hard to ensure couples are accommodated.

Give me a chance to call attention to out with a case. A couple subsequent to experiencing numerous marriage counselor wound up with another one. The spouse asked what this counselor could do that the others were insufficient at. The spouse however conceded that the other marriage counselor had been effective yet each time they would simply backpedal to their unfriendly state amid the interim between sessions. As a matter of fact here the more attractive sex mentioned the right objective fact. All the more frequently marriage counselor neglect to think about this part of the couple.

A woman once whined about her past marriage counselling sessions once. She said that she and her significant other would contend so much that it would take them the greater part a hour just to get to the point of dialog. The allocated time would be over in their consistent contention after which they would quietly go home and endure it till the following session to vent. As they would have individuals comprehend the directing deteriorated.

So what we have here is that there are an excessive number of issues to be tended to and there is insufficient time. So with couples looking for something else in the following marriage counselor or counselling. So let us express a couple of evident things that can be relied upon from couples to do while setting off to another counselor.

In the first place, locate a capable marriage counselor. Similarly as you look into before setting off to a specialist, examine the marriage and relationship counselor appropriately preceding looking for marriage directing. Look for a marriage counseling who feels certain with it.

Second, decide your marriage counselor’s mentality toward marriage. Once more, don’t be hesitant to get some information about their position with respect to marriage. A few counselor are “impartial” about marriage and don’t effectively endeavor to ‘spare a marriage.’ Instead, if there is excessively strife in the marriage, they will empower division and separation.

Third, look for a ‘quality based’ marriage counselor. With this preparation and introduction, numerous guides will let you know all that they see that isn’t right with your marriage. Obviously this lone serves to exacerbate the situation if this direction is not combined with watching and expanding upon the qualities in your marriage.

Fourth, look for an instructor willing to offer clear and particular direction. Sitting with a guide who just does intelligent listening can make you feel great briefly, however you require a ‘passionate specialist,’ willing to mention sharp remarks and objective facts. This won’t generally can rest easy, yet you will detect you are getting to ‘the core of the issue.’ If you don’t have a feeling that you are accepting specific, talented, unequivocal bearing, you’re not getting your cash’s worth.

Find the Marriage Counselor who is accessible to you. Great marriage counselor aren’t reluctant to go that additional mile and do everything to ensure your marriage. http://www.talkitout.co.za

Good Marriage Counselors aren't afraid to go that extra mile

However subsequent to experiencing numerous marriage counselling sessions and gaining no ground they tend to lose hope. The greater part of the marriage or relationship coach are working hard to ensure couples are accommodated. Good Marriage Counselors aren't afraid to go that extra mile

Read This if You Need to Get Through to Your Wife When She’s Leaving

If you are like maximum guys, then whilst your spouse instructed you that she desired to depart, it left you with one feeling above all:

Fear.

And yeah, certain, maybe a little bit of anger to… But I’m inclined to wager that if you definitely stop for a 2d – take a deep breath – to have a look at yourself (at your personal danger!) that you could find that the foundation of all that anger you’re feeling proper now could be truely…Fear.

Maybe it’s worry of the unknown.

Maybe you are fearful of facing yourself.

Maybe you are fearful of loss or rejection, or perhaps even being alone for the relaxation of your life.
The truth is that it doesn’t surely depend what you’re scared of right now, so long as you recognize that fear is as a minimum playing a small component in the manner that you’re questioning right now.

But bet what?

Fear Isn’t Going to Stop You From Getting Your Wife Back

It’s now not going to maintain you from knowing how to speak in your spouse to get her lower back, and it is not going to maintain you from a satisfied marriage, a lot much less a satisfied life.

It’s like what FDR stated all through the Great Depression…

The simplest thing we need to worry is worry itself.

So, take a deep breath, try and be goal approximately the state of affairs you’re in proper now so that you can research what to do and no longer permit your feelings/fear incorrectly guide you. As you retain analyzing this text I’m going to speak to you approximately what to say on your wife when she says that she’s leaving.

3 Tips for Talking to Your Wife When She Wants Separation

#1. You Have 2 Ears and Only 1 Mouth

Many human beings pay attention me say this and mistakenly suppose that the only element I’m attempting to mention is that listening is twice as important as speaking. While I do accept as true with it’s far genuine, it additionally has a barely deeper that means.

The alternative meaning to this announcement is that during every communique there are  belongings you want to pay attention, and best one factor you want to mention. You want to pay attention what your wife is saying and you want to pay attention it nicely enough which you recognize it completely. Then, you need to reply politely and hence (that is the speak me). But then it goes similarly, because all of us are guilty of miscommunication every now and then. So, it’s also critical which you pay attention what YOU are pronouncing so that your communication is effective and you can truely communicate for your spouse.

So sure, listening is two times as critical as talking, and you use your ears and know-how twice as a whole lot as you use your voice and your verbal exchange. Does that make sense?

#2. Stay Strong in Front of Your Wife

This is something that very few men get proper, due to the fact it is sincerely surprisingly difficult to do. This isn’t pronouncing which you can’t have emotion in the front of your spouse, or which you cannot explicit yourself emotionally in front of your spouse, or even which you cannot cry in front of your wife.

What it’s far pronouncing is that this:

You need to in no way, ever, EVER beg your wife to live with you.

While you shouldn’t be emotionally cold, you have to preserve your dignity. This may be very vital, and it is a part of being a man/husband/chief.

#3. Always Keep Your Focus at the Real Goal

Many men come to me and ask, “How do I get my wife lower back,” or “How do I keep my marriage,” or maybe “How do I get my wife to like me once more?”

These are all the incorrect questions, due to the fact they’re focusing on the incorrect goals. Your goal proper now may be very, quite simple:

You need your wife to WANT you once more.

Think approximately that statement for a 2nd… Really allow it sink in. I’ll say it one greater time:
You NEED your wife to want you again.

AUTHOR: Louw Albert
Marriage Counselling – TalkitOut

Read This if You Need to Get Through to Your Wife When She's Leaving

Read This if You Need to Get Through to Your Wife When She's Leaving

Christian Marriage Counseling - 9 signs Your Marriage needs It To survive

Finally, the relationship hits a roadblock and blaming and name calling and threatening and attractive might not get the frustrated partners past it. At this stage, they need expert Christian marriage counseling to get across the roadblock and get their marriage moving once more in the right path. Christian Marriage Counseling - 9 signs Your Marriage needs It To survive

9 signs Your Marriage needs It To survive

Lots of Christians pray that faith will steer them off the jagged rocks of modern marriage. But for most Christian couples, faith is not enough. Divorce is just as common for Christians as it is for non-Christians, and the same modern pressures stress Christian marriages until divorce seems to be the only option.

But God doesn't want divorce to be the last resort for troubled marriages. If you and your spouse are struggling - particularly if you have any of the 9 deadly, relationship symptoms - Christian marriage counseling can help you return to God - and to each other - and repair your broken relationship before it's too late.

Is Your Marriage In Trouble?

Every marriage is stressed. So how do you know if YOUR problems are just the normal cuts and scrapes and bruises of modern marriage or much more SERIOUS?

There are 9 symptoms of serious trouble for your marriage. And these symptoms progress from worrying signs to marriage killers.

Serious, but maybe not deadly:

- A spouse feels unappreciated (not just once or twice - all the time) 

- Constant fighting (your house is like a war zone) 

- One spouse flirts with other people too much (so you hate going out together) 

- One partner works all the time (and the other one feels abandoned)

Super-serious:

- Abuse - physical or sexual 

- Infidelity 

- Substance abuse

Deadly:

- You and your spouse can't - or won't - communicate without arguing 

- You no longer enjoy spending time together

If you have any of these symptoms - especially those in the last group - you should seriously think about Christian marriage counseling ASAP. You're marriage is hemorrhaging, and you need to stop the bleeding FAST. You don't have much time. The clock is ticking.

AUTHOR: Talk It Out
Marriage Counselling Pretoria

Should I live in My Marriage? How Do you realize while to go away?

Marriage Counseling is never a terrible factor and, whilst it may not assist your marriage, it truly may additionally assist you in answering these questions. If you truly need to save your marriage, then all alternatives have to be exhausted before you thinking about leaving. Should I live in My Marriage? How Do you realize while to go away?

If your partner will not are seeking for marriage counseling with you

Are you asking your self - need to I stay in my marriage? The answer as to whether or not to stay in your marriage relies upon on what is inaccurate along with your marriage and why you suspect you ought to live.

There are numerous motives why marriages collapse however there are not unusual "issues". As an instance, human beings just tend to flow aside and are dwelling in loveless marriages. Now and again, people or occasions change and the marriage can not adapt to that exchange. Companions may additionally have affairs or broaden extreme issues such as alcohol or gambling addictions. The most critical problem, of course, is abuse - bodily, verbal or intellectual. The first question you need to ask your self is whether or not you or your youngsters are in threat or whether or not you'll go through extreme hassle (which includes financial or felony) if the wedding continues. If the solution to this question is yes, then you definitely definitely do not have a choice and you ought to no longer live to your marriage. Consulting with an legal professional for legal recommendation is an important step in figuring out whether or not you're at this factor on your marriage.

The second one query you have to ask yourself is, if the above isn't genuine, can the problems to your marriage be resolved or can you keep your marriage? That allows you to decide this, you want to pinpoint exactly what the troubles are and paintings to remedy them. You could both do this with your spouse or in counseling. If your partner will not are seeking for marriage counseling with you, pass through yourself. Marriage Counseling is never a terrible factor and, whilst it may not assist your marriage, it truly may additionally assist you in answering these questions. If you truly need to save your marriage, then all alternatives have to be exhausted before you thinking about leaving.

The last question you want to ask yourself, when you have worked through the other two, is whether or not you may continue to live in your modern kingdom of lifestyles. All and sundry has their breaking factor and you will recognize whilst this is. In case you attain a point wherein you are so unhappy that you definitely cannot naked to preserve to live your life the manner it's miles, then you know that you may not stay in your marriage.

You furthermore may want to ask yourself why you are staying. If you are staying due to the fact you continue to preserve out hope that your marriage may be saved, then you definitely want to make certain you're persevering with to paintings on the troubles. If there may be no more development to be made or if your spouse refuses to cope with them, then you have your answer as to whether or not the marriage may be stored and whether or not you should stay. If you are staying because of budget, then you definitely need to talk over with an lawyer to peer if this sincerely is an problem. A few human beings most effective agree with that they cannot financially find the money for a divorce because they are now not privy to the help or assets department legal guidelines in their country. If you are staying because of the children, do not. Kids do not want mother and father who're collectively, they need parents who are healthy and glad. There are numerous kids of divorced mother and father who do simply great.

Identifying whether or not to divorce is a huge decision and should not be taken lightly. I inspire you to very well work through the above questions earlier than you take that final step. If you have done that and you still sense that you may now not stay to your marriage, you certainly must talk over with an legal professional to find out what felony and financial results a divorce may have on you. Armed with all of this statistics, you can then answer the question of must I live in my marriage.

Are you unhappy along with your courting or marriage? Are you seeking out advice? Louw Albert is a marriage counseling character with enjoy in damaged relationships. Take a look at out his website Marriage Counselling for more info and recommendation on love, marriage, relationships and divorce. http://www.talkitout.co.za

No question that marriage counseling is quite expensive

Marriage therapy is really great for any couple that goes through a bad time but how could you actually manage to pay the price if you do not have the cash? The good thing is that there are various things that you can do in order to get better price ranges. No question that marriage counseling is quite expensive

Thinking about Online Marriage Counseling

Marriage Counselling Centurion

There is no question that marriage counseling is quite expensive. Most married couples that look at the prices will point out that they cannot manage to invest so much. Unfortunately, this is a genuine problem that has an effect on a lot of people than you might be influenced to believe. Marriage therapy is really great for any couple that goes through a bad time but how could you actually manage to pay the price if you do not have the cash? The good thing is that there are various things that you can do in order to get better price ranges.

How You Can Cut Costs?

The fact is that a number of the fees charged by some marriage consultants are overstated. Due to the fact they have many clients, they're able to afford to ask for higher bills. This does not necessarily mean that the therapist is better. It just signifies that he/she is a lot more well-liked. Because of this, our recommendation is that you create a summary of as many good consultants as you can locate. Ensure that you look at the following facts when you make your list:

• Experience while in the industry
• Specializations
• Recommendations
• Testimonials
• Transparency

As soon as you verify all these factors and you see that the consultant fits within your budget you can plan a meeting and see if you like him/her. Remember fondly the fact that during marriage counseling you need to completely trust your psychologist. At times we simply cannot trust a few individuals. If that is the situation with an expert just proceed to another one.

Thinking about Online Marriage Counseling

This is one more very good selection that you can benefit from. Since the Internet developed a great deal, a lot of marriage counseling internet sites appeared. This generally signifies that you are able to end up getting counseling through an online connection. There are many advantages that you have to look into in this case.

To begin with, the prices of the sessions are usually a lot lower. Occasionally they are even 50% lower than you are anticipated to pay for a regular session. In addition, you'll save much more money without even realizing it. Just think with the fact that you ought to spend money on transportation whenever going to the therapist. With the online option that is not the case.

Could You Work out Marriage Counseling Fees?

The truth is that this approach is rarely available for couples but there are a few consultants which will agree to be paid less since they are mostly doing what they do to help people in need. You will lose absolutely nothing by requesting if there is the possibility to get a discount. At times the therapists will just accept it while others will give you a counter offer that will be less costly.

The final point here is that we now have options available and there is no good reason that you should not try to use them. People have cash difficulties these days and in some cases sacrifices are required to go to marriage counseling since it may help to your marriage. You ought to think about online marriage counseling though because it's really effective and it will certainly educate you on what has to be done to save your marriage while being cheaper.

You can get out of a marriage problem with Marriage Counselling Help

Do not give up. While you both try there’s hope and if you can not find the money for professional marriage counselling there are options. You can get out of a marriage problem with Marriage Counselling Help

Professional marriage counselling specialists will assist

Is your marriage in problem but you or your partner are denying it and are residing in hope of it turning into better simply through itself? Perhaps you have got end up used to just communicating with each other simplest while it is necessary?

Marriage Counselling Centurion, South Africa

Properly you higher take be aware. You first need to simply accept that there are issues and begin working in the direction of getting matters returned heading in the right direction. Now this could sound simpler than what you believe you studied. But if you put the effort in you’ll be rewarded. Do not forget about the caution signs and symptoms though, because the longer you leave it, the tougher the relationship might be to make amends. The warning symptoms are there for a purpose and also you want to take be aware and start on a direction of reconciliation.

This may sound a little harsh but it is time to take your eyes off yourself and positioned your awareness returned to your spouse and vice versa. Pay them the attention they deserve once they stroll within the house after a tough day at paintings. Cook their favorite meal and make it a special time only for you and them. Help them to understand which you are the one character that they can’t live with out and they might be mad to strive.

Every now and then looking for professional marriage counselling specialists will assist because there are instances when any marriage can end up checking out and strained and it facilitates to see the marriage from some other man or woman’s point of view, specially someone who is skilled and unbiased. You will get reassurance knowing you are speaking with specialists who’ve heard it all earlier than and they may be able to put an movement plan together to help your marriage in hassle. They have the answers and you simply ought to do the work. Strive your toughest to live on talking phrases and no longer get your spouse on the protective. So much more may be finished if you intention for this extra than whatever else.

That is going to be an extended procedure in which you each probable should deliver a little before you take. Don’t forget returned to whilst you men first started dating and search for the things which you cherished about every different while you first fell in love. Simply deal with every issue as it arises. Remember you may not be able to clear up all your problems in a single night. Supply it time and give them time. However each of you need to need to make a go of it. It is no suitable in the event that they are not interested or even looking to make amends.

Do not give up. While you both try there’s hope and if you can not find the money for professional marriage counselling there are options.

Author : Louw Albert – Marriage Counseling Centurion

Web : http://www.talkitout.co.za

Marriage counseling pretoria

What are the objectives of couples / marriage counselling?

As the focus of couples counselling is the relationship, it is usually conducted with both partners. However, in some cases it is necessary for each partner to have individual sessions, as well as with group sessions. Couples / Marriage counselling is usually short term, however, the specific treatment plan will vary from one couple to the next. What are the objectives of couples / marriage counselling?

Couples / Marriage Counselling Can Help a Relationship in Turmoil

Couples / marriage counselling is a form of psychotherapy in which couples focus on their relationship. During couples counselling partners will rebuild or strengthen their relationship and resolve any conflicts. Through counselling, couples will be able to make rational decisions with regards to rebuilding their relationship, or realizing that there is nothing more that they can do to fix their relationship and that it is time for them to go their own ways.

As the focus of couples counselling is the relationship, it is usually conducted with both partners. However, in some cases it is necessary for each partner to have individual sessions, as well as with group sessions. Couples / Marriage counselling is usually short term, however, the specific treatment plan will vary from one couple to the next.

Some couples attend couples counselling to simply strengthen their union and better their communication, while others attend to try to selvage a relationship in turmoil. Some of the issues that couples may seek help with at therapy are financial troubles, sexual difficulties, communication issues, differences about child rearing, and infidelity.

What are the objectives of couples / marriage counselling?

While there are a number of benefits to couples counselling, the following is a brief discussion of some of the main objectives of couples counselling.

Improve communication. Therapy will help couples learn how to effectively communicate with each other in a supportive manner, by teaching partners what kind of communication is constructive and what kind will cause an argument.

Reduce emotional avoidance. Couples who do not express their private feelings with each other often grow apart due to emotional distance. Therapy will help couples to express themselves to each other effectively, so that they can rebuild their emotional bond.

Learn to promote the strengths of the relationship. Because much of couples therapy focuses on the negative aspects of a relationship in turmoil, there is a specific focus on promoting the strengths of the relationship to help the couple to develop enjoyment from the relationship.

Modify dysfunctional behavior. It is the therapist’s role to make sure that neither partner in the relationship is experiencing physical, emotional or mental harm from the other. If this is the case they may recommend that partners take some time to be apart from each other. The purpose of this is to make sure that couples not only improve their interactions, but also their behavior with each other.

Change the perceptions of the relationship. A Counselor will help couples to view the relationship in a more objective manner so that they can understand why the relationship can change depending on the context for example. By changing the way the couple understands their relationship, they will be able to look at themselves and their interactions in a more nuanced way.

The counselling space is one free of judgement where couples can explore their relationship openly and honestly, with the guidance of their therapist. However, it is important to remember that a therapist is there to enable change and resolution, especially for couples in turmoil, so that through open communication they can reach their own conclusion about their relationship with the support of a professional therapist.

Author:  Louw Alberts
Marriage Counselling Consultant
TalkItOut.co.za

Louw Alberts, Marriage and Relationship Counsellor

Louw Alberts, Marriage and Relationship Counsellor Pretoria

Marriage

Marriage & Relationship Counselling is a form of relationship therapy which is aimed specifically at people who are involved in romantic relationships. Both married and unmarried couples may seek couples therapy, and there are a number of approaches to couples therapy. Marriage Counselling

Advice in the form of relationship & marriage counselling.

Marriage relationship where one partner wants child and the other doesn’t

Marriage Counselling and the child free choice

The decision to remain childless is often a contentious one, even more so when in a relationship where one partner wants to have children and the other doesn’t. Relationship or Marriage Counselling with the guidance of a therapist would help partners to see each other’s points of view and help them to come to a conclusion about the future of their marriage or relationship as well as about the decision to have children. Although this relationship hurdle seems unsolvable, there are a few tips for coping in this situation. However, if you find that this is an on-going issue in your relationship, it is important to seek professional advice in the form of relationship & marriage counselling.

Things to consider when one partner wants children and the other doesn’t

As with any major relationship hurdle, it very important to communicate effectively with your partner when one of you wants children and the other doesn’t. Make sure that your partner knows exactly how you feel about children and why you have made the decision that you have, and likewise that your partner does the same. Once you have both expressed your views and have been open and honest with each other you can start to move forward toward a resolution.

When discussing the child free choice, think long term. If you agree not to have children how will you feel when your friends are all raising their families? Similarly, if you decide to have children, will this make you happy and will it be the best choice for the well-being of your relationship? However, make sure that whatever choice you make, it is the best choice for you. Making the choice to either have, or not to have, a child based on what your partner wants is likely to further strain your relationship or marriage.

If you are unable to reach a resolution, it may be time to make a difficult decision. Together you will need to decide if your feelings about having a baby or your relationship are more important to you long term. This is a difficult choice to be made with many factors to consider. Relationship counselling would help you to see more clearly with regards to your relationship and feelings about having a child, so that you can make this difficult choice.

It is also important to discuss whether you or your partner doesn’t ever want to have children, or if this is just a short-term decision. If the partner who doesn’t want to have children says that it is just a decision for the moment, the other partner can work with children through babysitting or volunteering at a children’s hospital or care facility for example. Whenever possible, look to see if there is a compromise like this that can be made when discussing important relationship hurdles with your partner. Relationship counselling can help couples move toward compromise for the well being of their relationship.

How can relationship counselling help?

Relationship or Marriage Counselling is a form of therapy that seeks to resolve issues and improve communication within an intimate relationship. Relationship counselling can help you to reflect on your past as individuals and as a couple and how this impacts your present feelings about children; communicate constructively about your choice to have a child or not; understand how culture, religion and family values may have impacted your feelings about children; and finally, relationship counselling can help you to negotiate and resolve the conflict.

Contact Louw Alberts for Expert Marriage Counselling

About the Author: Marriage Counselling Pretoria

There are two marriage stages that exist for couples. Marriage stage 1 and 2

There are two marriage stages that exist for couples. Marriage stage 1 and 2

Below, we investigate the qualities of each.

• Stage 1 of Marriage Counselling

The main function in this marriage stage is to form attachment with our partner. In order to do this, we subconsciously do two things: we overemphasise our commonalities, and we minimise our differences.

Similarities can emerge from our physical, emotional, psychological, environmental and spiritual features. When we overemphasise our commonalities, we make our similarities greater than they are in actuality. This is not intentional, and is not ‘lying’. On the contrary, it is pivotal during the attachment development phase.

Below, in bold, are examples of commonality overemphasis:

-‘We have exactly the same hobbies.’

-‘Our opinions are all so similar.’

Likewise, in this marriage phase, we minimise our differences. The intimacy between our partners and us enchants us, and we immerse ourselves in our shared experiences. Here, we focus on what we share; in this way, we disregard our individuality.

Below are examples of difference minimising:

-‘He/she does not clean up after him/herself – this does not bother me.’

-He/she only makes unhealthy food. – It’s okay; I will compensate by preparing very nutritious food when it is my turn to cook.’

Within the first marriage stage, there are three main qualities:

-There is heightened passion, absorbing emotions and intense sexual urges.

– We reciprocate equally. That is, we give the same amount as we take. We feel satisfied with the nurture, attention and love that we receive. At this point, this support and nurturance is the root of our mutual attraction; we receive it on various levels.

– We do not ask our partner to change. Instead, we accept them as they are, and we compromise in order to please both of us. Without any effort, we ask the four integral questions: What do you want, feel, need and think? This marriage stage is a sort of honeymoon-type phase.

Through all of this, we create a concrete foundation. This enables the second marriage stage. Marriage counselling is an excellent way in which to gain insight into which marriage stage we are in.

• Stage 2

In this marriage stage, differences become apparent. We see our partner more objectively than we did before – this is normal. It does not automatically mean that the relationship cannot work. Counselling allows us to ease into this stage.

At this point, we may require more space from each other. Similarities seem to decrease and differences seem to increase. This is natural, and it is now when we re-examine and reconstruct our boundaries. This boundary reconstruction is essential for the relationship.

In some cases, when the differences are too big or overwhelming, the relationship cannot survive. In other cases, the differences become irreconcilable – but slowly. Here, communication is very important, but it is also difficult. We must understand what we want and what we need, before we can articulate it to our partner. This is why marriage counselling is so pivotal during this marriage stage. It allows us to come to terms with our emotions during the transition from stage one to stage two.

By Louw Alberts|October 19th, 2016 | marriage counselling | Comments Off

on The two stages of a marriage or relationship

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